EMPATHY IN CRICKET

In a world where fast, strong, tough, aggressive, great performer, winner, champion, etc. are used to describe cricketers and other sportspersons, ‘empathetic’ is a rare adjective. If I describe a person as empathetic, it means he/she is able to understand the feelings of another person. When a person is genuinely empathetic, they not only understand the other person’s feelings, but also share them.

To talk about the power and need for empathy in cricket, let’s use an example. Imagine you have played a match, in which you have not performed up to your expectations. Though you trained well, ate right, exercised properly and prepared your mindset for the game, things didn’t go according to plan. After the match, your coach comes to talk to you. He asks you about your performance. While you are expressing your confused feelings, he nullifies them and tells you it’s all ‘in your head’. He tells you to get yourself sorted before the next match. In addition to the blues you are already having, this conversation leaves you perplexed, fearful and more anxious about the next match. Neither do you know what to do, nor do you know if anyone could understand your exact predicament. You come home after the game and your best friend comes over. He asks you why you look so troubled. He sits with you and listens to your recount of the events that happened. Not only does he NOT butt in, but he listens ‘patiently’ and ‘actively’. At the end he asks you how you feel about all this and if there is anything he can do to help. This conversation makes you feel better. Though your best friend is not a part of your cricket team, his understanding or rather him ‘trying to understand’ your situation, made you feel more hopeful than your own coach telling you to ‘fix’ things. It is not that empathy shown by your friend gave you a solution to your problem. But it gave you a feeling of understanding and solidarity, which in turn put your mind at ease. Now at ease, your mind rationalizes the event, coming to terms with the fact that wins and losses are a part of the sport and that effort and not scoreboards matter. Your mind also comes up with a revised plan for the next match to perform better on the pitch. All this came because of the empathy that was demonstrated by your friend. So you see how important empathy is, especially in an aggressive environment like sports.

In the COVID-19 era, empathy is more important than ever. In the last month, we witnessed the ceasing of the IPL due to the pandemic. Before that we saw several players drop out for different reasons, though they were all in the shadow of the virus scare. R. Ashwin was one of the players who cited COVID-19 openly as the reason for his departure, whereas for players like Josh Hazlewood and Mitchell Marsh it was Bio-bubble fatigue. (Learn how to survive a Bio-Bubble, https://mindyourwicket.in/2021/04/10/how-to-survive-a-bio-bubble-part-1/). We have several other players as well, like Josh Philippe, Mark Wood and Liam Livingstone who dropped the IPL 2021 for various reasons, albeit related to the pandemic whatsoever. IPL 2020 also saw Harbhajan Singh and Suresh Raina pull out of the tournament for ‘personal reasons’ altogether.

It was easy for fans to pinpoint the difficulties that will be faced by the teams and their managements because of these decisions. Netizens were quick to call the players ‘irresponsible’. Though the franchises did side with the players, it was still done in a lukewarm manner.

This is just an example of how empathy can be lacking, perhaps even absent in sports – not just among the players, but also among the fans. This is the picture that the sports industry has painted for itself – that it’s all about strength & valor and very less about sympathy & empathy. But as experienced athletes know, empathy is a strong skill that can be used to maneuver tricky situations in teams. Also, it is not just about empathizing with others, but empathizing with yourself as well.

Empathy is a tough one. We are all born with empathy, but it needs to be sharpened so we can use it in useful ways in our environments. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201701/6-things-you-need-know-about-empathy). It also depends on the way our parents/caretakers raised us. For example, if as a child you were rewarded when you performed an empathetic deed, you would be more motivated to be empathetic even as an adult. Sometimes though we show innate empathy, our words and actions might not exactly match up. Empathy is one skill that needs to be groomed life-long and it is never too late to brush up on our empathizing skills. Let’s look at some methods which we can use to be more empathetic:

Learn

Many of us live in our own little worlds, with our own experiences, our own perspectives and attitudes. We paint the world with our paintbrush and palette, not realizing it might be completely different for others. The more we learn about different people – their worlds and their stories – the more we become empathetic. We live in an environment which is constantly changing and we need to learn as much as we can. The best way to learn is to talk and more importantly ‘listen’. And we are privileged to be in a digital age which empowers people to speak up from the safety of a screen, and educates people with the touch of a button. Below are a few ways to learn more about other people:

Following people with different backgrounds and cultures on social media
Talking more to people in your own community, to learn about their perspectives
Learning about different cultures and heritages from the internet, books, pamphlets, etc.
Taking part in community activities that brings different people together for a common cause

Introspection & Self-Awareness

Learning about other people’s experiences is important. But it is also important to learn about yourself and your perspectives. Here, it is religious that you are honest with yourself. When we start introspecting, it is necessary to be honest about our ‘wrong ideals’, ill-informed/insufficient information, and even our ‘privilege’. Becoming aware of these might be a massive blow to our ego and can even be shameful at times, but it is sometimes necessary to break things in order to make them better equipped for a greater cause.

While introspecting, a few points to ponder are:

Your own identity – where it stems from, how much of it comes from your culture and heritage, how your perspectives differ from others in your same community
Your opinions on social matters like racism, religious fanaticism, gender fluidity and how they differ from other’s opinions
What frustrates you about someone else and whether it is justified or not

Reading

Though ‘reading’ should be categorized under ‘learning’, I wanted to throw a little more light on the subject. Reading can not only teach you new things, but can also help your own mind evolve. Not just biographies and histories but also fiction. Fiction pushes you into a world that is not your own and helps you experience it from a different point of view, all the while keeping it interesting and fun. Books you might want to read are:

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morisson
Hood Feminism by Mikki Kendall
The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander
Wimmin, Wimps & Wallflowers by Philip Herbst

These are just a few examples but any step, no matter how small, is a good step nevertheless.

Practice

Now that you are equipped with knowledge, the next step is to put theory into practice. Start using empathy effectively right from your home. You can begin with your family, your friends and eventually your team. When you start practicing empathy, remember to:

Listen actively. Listen not just with your ears, but also your entire body. Your body-language should convey your eagerness to listen and learn. For example, learning towards the person slightly and making eye-contact. Asking questions and paraphrasing as a means to motivate the person are also a part of active listening.
Have hard conversations. Small-talk is easy and comfortable. But having difficult conversations reveals more about people and also strengthens your bond with them. This of course, doesn’t mean you have to go around bringing up sensitive topics all the time. But at the appropriate time or situation, encourage it. Sensitive topics like racism, sexuality, trauma, etc. are often shoved under the carpet and not exactly dinner-party conversations. However, it is necessary to have them, especially when someone else opens up to you. It is not difficult as many people would like to think. It is quite easy in fact; it just needs will and patience.
Call out. While you may be empathetic and sensitive to the feelings of others, there may be many around you who might not feel the same way. They might silence those who speak up, degrade those who are ‘different’ and even harass others with their insensitivity. Sometimes it’s easy to call people out, especially if these are your own friends. You can use this as a window to educate them and change their minds. Or, they might be more hesitant about repeating this behavior elsewhere. Many a time, these kinds of bias and degrading behavior comes from authority figures. It becomes difficult to stand up and risk damage, sometimes even to your own career. Calling out while maintaining professionalism and decorum is the key. This is where ‘effective communication’ as a skill comes into use. While witnessing bias or insensitivity, don’t just be a by-stander. Remember that it can be ‘you’ someday.