Hello everyone! I know it’s been quite some time since I posted anything. I was dealing with a personal loss and had to take some time to focus on my own mental health. A few weeks ago, I lost my precious dog, Moses, after he struggled with an unfortunately incurable condition for a couple of months.
As I was working my way through my own grief, it led my mind to wander through all the instances of grief I have experienced with athletes I have worked with in my past. Several of my clients have come to me, seeking help to cope with their loss – the loss of a loved one to death, losing an important game, losing a favorite coach, or even losing something as easily replaceable as a lucky pair of socks.
I would like to say that they all had just one conversation with me and instantly forgot their pain, but then, I would be blatantly lying. Grieving is a process and everyone’s way of dealing with grief is different. Seeking help while you’re dealing with grief does not necessarily quicken the process, but will bring you a different perspective. It will also give you tools to actively cope with tough situations, like panic attacks.
While clinical psychologists and therapists are usually approached for those who want to work through their grief, sport psychologists like myself, are sought out by athletes who want to ensure their performance is not affected after a loss.
In this article, I will be talking a little more about grief and how it can affect your performance. I will also show you how to cope with grief, at least in the initial stages. If you’re dealing with the loss of someone or something right now, this article may not heal you, but reading it can be the start to your healing journey.
What Is Grief, For An Athlete?
Since this is a sport psychology blog, let’s talk a little more in detail about grief, especially what it means for athletes. So, grief is basically the emotional response to any loss you experience. This loss does not only mean losing a person in your life, but it also means loss related to your game, the loss of certain important things, or even the loss of your identity.
Many feel that grief only refers to the sadness you feel when someone close to you passes away, but this isn’t true. If your sports career suddenly comes to a standstill as a result of an injury, this can cause you to grieve. If your best friend, who is also your teammate, has to leave and join another team and this causes you sadness, this is also grief. If you had a favorite bat that was gifted to you when you were a child and you lose it, this can also be counted as a situation worth grieving.
The thing about grief is that it is extremely personable. What some people might find worth grieving for, others may find it obsolete. While some get over a loss within a couple of months, others take years to get through. One thing is right though – grief is real and it takes a toll on you, whether you realize it or not.
How To Manage Grief, As An Athlete?
This is a pretty strange sub-topic to add here, since I’m quite sure most people won’t hop onto a sport psychology blog like www.mindyourwicket.in as soon as they have experienced a loss. But this is for those who are thinking about and preparing for the future, since loss happens to us all.
- Don’t ignore the grief. I know many families and cultures where grieving is considered a sign of weakness and people are encouraged to sweep their feelings under a rug. But all this does is bottle up the emotions which will burst out sooner or later. When you have experienced loss, don’t ignore your feelings and acknowledge them.
- Name your emotions. As I wrote earlier, grief is extremely personal, and the range of emotions that a person goes through is unique to them and them only. For example, one person may feel sadness, while another experiences more of anger when they are grieving the same thing.
Name your emotion, so that you know what you are dealing with. This will help you understand what you’re exactly feeling, even if it hurts so much right now. If you can, try writing about these emotions down in a journal. This will help you express yourself better and allow you to vent.
- Give yourself space and time. Time is a healer, and trust me when I say, it only gets better from here. Allow yourself plenty of time and space when you’re dealing with grief. Don’t compare it to what others have gone through or even what others will tell you. But give yourself all the time and space you need; you are entitled to this.
- Don’t make any hasty decisions. This I speak from personal experience. When you have recently experienced loss, it makes your mind more prone to making decisions you’ll definitely regret in the future. I’m talking about big and drastic decisions, like making a career-change, severing a relationship, moving to a new city, etc. Take some time to sort through your emotions before you make any major decision for your life.
Does Grief Help Your Performance?
One thing that many of you would have noticed while watching sports is the several great instances of players doing unbelievable things on the field right after experiencing a tragic loss in their lives. There are tons of examples out there of athletes putting on fantastic shows, beating all odds, when they are supposed to be off the field grieving.
I’m talking about cricket legend Sachin Tendulkar scoring a century in the 1999 Cricket World Cup right after attending his father’s funeral or Cristiano Ronaldo scoring a goal for Man Utd days after losing his newborn child.
These instances often lead people to believe that either these people have minds built out of titanium or that a personal loss does not affect an athlete’s performance so much. But in truth, this high-level of performance experienced right after a loss does not always happen. Secondly, the effects are definitely short-term. If the person does not find closure or give space for their thoughts, the grief will hurt their performance in the long run.
Are You Struggling With Invisible Grief?
As athletes, you are often expected to be mentally and emotionally stronger than everyone else in the room. However, you and I both know that athletes go through the same emotions just like any other person when they are confronted with a personal loss. Still, there are so many athletes who are guilty of repressing their emotions of grief far down just to appear strong on the outside.
Even without the athletes themselves realizing it, their subconscious minds can be fighting grief quietly on the inside while they appear completely normal outside. However, this type of ‘invisible grief’ can show up in disastrous ways over the course of time. Let me describe a few symptoms of invisible grief so that you understand this better.
- Fatigue: If you’re dealing with invisible grief for a long period of time, the repressed emotions inside you may show up in the form of fatigue and tiredness. You may feel that your training is suddenly too hard, despite it being the same, or that you are not resting enough, despite following the same pattern of rest and recovery like before. You may additionally feel that you are not getting enough sleep, even though you may have hit the sack early and woken up late.
- Feelings of emptiness: Invisible grief can also show up in the form of feelings of emptiness which can translate to not having purpose in your games.
- Overtraining: For some athletes, invisible grief can show up as overtraining. Athletes may suddenly feel the need to train harder and undergo strenuous regimes, even without any proper goals. This can not only lead to more mental pressure down the line but also comes with the risk of physical injuries which can brutally affect the athlete’s career.
- Identity struggles: The loss of a special person in life or even losing an important tournament can lead to struggles in identity in an athlete. Identity struggles can eventually lead to performance anxiety and may also cause the person to doubt their entire career.
- Emotional breakdowns: Athletes may also experience emotional breakdowns as part of invisible grief. For example, listening to a song, or seeing something which reminds them of the loss may lead to a sudden panic attack. Since the grief itself is invisible, the athlete themselves may not be aware as to why they are going through the breakdown at that moment.
Remember This When You Are Grieving
Going through grief is a part of everyone’s life, athlete or not. No matter how strong a person you are, grief can shake and affect you in ways you can’t imagine. This is what I learnt in my own life, as a mental health professional.
You also need to remember that there is no right way to grieve. One person might talk non-stop about the tournament they lost on social media as their way to grieve. Meanwhile, another person might completely shut themselves in their room for days together as they go through their grief.
It is always recommended that you talk to a professional while you’re dealing with a loss. These conversations can help you vent your frustrations, assess your feelings and also get some perspective in terms of decision-making.
I hope this article helps you, or someone you know who is dealing with grief. Please feel free to drop any questions or comments that you might have to mindyourwicket@gmail.com.
References:
https://www.the1v1project.com/analysis/the-impact-of-grief-on-elite-athletic-performance
https://openjournals.bsu.edu/sportsocialworkjournal/article/download/5577/3210/13206
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10513329/
https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00868/full
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